Nov 21, 2023
I’ve been going on about the positive benefits of mindfulness for years now, often recommending a mindful practice to anyone who struggles with racing thoughts and quick emotional triggers. I’ve read the data, I’ve heard the testimonials, and I understand the neuroscience. I genuinely, rationally believe that mindfulness works.
So why can’t I do it?
I had a breakthrough with my Oliva therapist recently after I’d cried “I justtt caaaaaaaaannnnn’t” at her.
I realised two things:
I’m a perfectionist, so when I want to do something I set myself the most unrealistic expectation. I mentally decide I’m now going to be a mindfulness pro, I’m going to meditate everyday, it’s going to be a ritual. I’ll be the most mindful person there ever was. Then I miss a day and I’ve ruined it all, and I want to give up completely.
I resist persevering with things that I don’t instantly find easy. Mindfulness is hard. I can’t tell quickly if I’ve made progress. It forces me to sit with uncomfortable stuff like how I actually feel. I can find a million ways to procrastinate doing my mindful practice, leading to problem number 1, leading me to give up completely.
Recognising this has helped me come up with a couple of strategies. The first is an ACT practice where you confront and make fun of your own self-doubt, voicing the “I can’t” out loud so many times, in a range of ways, that eventually make it sound so ridiculous it’s not a credible belief any more.
Secondly, dropping the perfectionistic ritual of it and instead finding ways to bring novelty and choice into my practice. Asking myself at points in the day, “do I feel like meditating?” with no judgement attached. Then picking a guided meditation that appeals to me that day, rather than working through a pre-set programme.
I’m definitely not a mindfulness pro but it’s become a bit easier to make it a more regular feature in my life.